if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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