Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Pooping to opera.
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