I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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