no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
