Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
