I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
