need another drink. this is the easiest way
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
