Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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