we're blogging at a bar
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
