The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
