i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
