would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
