So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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