all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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