you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
