if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize