remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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