just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize