OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So much rum. So many feels.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
