i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
