He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
