Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
