she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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