I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
