this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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