So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
