This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
