I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
