So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
