Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
only if we run a train.
done.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
