I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
