Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
