I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize