my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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