You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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