And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
