I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
