i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We need to get me chipped asap
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize