they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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