he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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