fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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