Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
