He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
