I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
