Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
