all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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