I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
