I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
