He is such a slut. More and more my type.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
