she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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