i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
