I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
