went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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