i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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