waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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