I could make wine with my vomit
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
