Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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