I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
