i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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