He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
