I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
