Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
