Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
