you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize