oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
