My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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