The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
